Thank You

I just wanted to thank you all for making me the man I am today, but there's so much more to this than my feeble words will ever say. You've all created and molded who I am, but I live with this fear that it's all a sham. I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and be exactly the same as I was back then and that's not the type of person I want to be again. I was manipulative, abrasive, and honestly surprised I had a friend, you'll never know how much I hate myself at a days end. Sometime's I'm afraid that's my true identity and that terrifies me. Has this progress been all for not? Should these changes just be forgot? I know I've become a better person, a better man, someone please tell me I'm better than, better than the old callous me please tell me that's not who I'm supposed to be. I know I still feel selfish, arrogant, and rude. I just wasn't built to be some closeted prude. Is that so bad or wrong? Or am I destined to be this mess all along? Why can't I just get some validation or some sort of confirmation? Whenever I'm told I'm doing something right, there's always that second part to confirm I'm still not all right. Like right steps but just not there yet, but you'll get there I bet. Sometimes I just don't get why I'm so insecure or why I hold in all these fears. I try to be the best man I know how to be, but...maybe that guy just isn't me. Maybe everything I think about me is just a result of an inflated ego, where I even got that I don't know. The fake self-confidence has built up a wall around my psyche it's eliminated any chance of someone seeing what might be. Like maybe there is a vulnerable person in there crying out for help, but that person is quiet and won't even yelp. Maybe some have seen him or heard a cry, but this vulnerable side is hidden behind locks and doors and we don't know why? I think it's because I'm scared of my real self, that's why I keep it on a shelf. Scared of the power he holds to show me the treasures untold. Treasures of life and and the world that could be mine, if only I didn't keep him in such a bind. But what if people don't like the man behind the mask, that's why I'm so afraid of this task. The task of showing my true colors, I just don't think I'm ready to show that to others. Will they be disgusted, turn and run? Or will they be delighted I've finally come? That story's yet to be finished, and won't be until this fake me is finally diminished. So let me get back to the main point, thank you for at least bringing me to this point.