Silence

There are somethings I just can't figure out, like why are there problems we never talk about? Thousands of kids contemplate suicide and harbor fears and thoughts that never subside. If this is some so prevalent then why does no one ever talk about it? I know the pain and loneliness but I have no idea how to deal with this. It seems so easy to tell someone to get over it, it gets better, but what do you say to them when they're writing that letter? That final good bye written on paper and ink, in hopes to leave a permanent mark before they're gone in a blink. We ignore the sign posts and warnings till it's already to late and we begin the mourning. Why have we lost another poor soul? I tried to help, but I couldn't fathom the hole, the hole inside their heart that could never be filled, not with all of his tears or blood that's been spilled. Slit wrists and empty bottles seem impossible to imagine, but to that kid in crisis it's a reality that seems bound to happen. All because we ignore them, push them to the side, and for what reason? Selfish pride? Are we too proud to admit that some people have problems? Or are we too stubborn to sit down and solve them? We are so quick to send them to a doctor and get a nice little prescription, but before we know it that kid has a nice little addiction. We don't treat the problems, only a symptom, cured through pills and appointments in hopes someone else can solve them. We focus on getting kids to face their bullies and issues in hopes they can forgive them, but what these kids need is to forgive themselves. I know that's what I needed more than anything, a chance to absolve myself of everything. Now I still struggle sometimes with these thoughts and feelings, but I don't find myself so often reeling. I'll admit as confident as I come off, I feel ashamed, useless, and worthless like is life really worth all this? I've never thought about how I'd do myself in or go out, but it's just something I've thought a lot about. Don't be scared you'll find me on top of a building, I'm picking up the pieces of my life and rebuilding. I know I'll never have the strongest foundation and I don't use as much support as a should, but I'm building a life that I know will be good. I don't fear that my walls will ever come down, but I do fear that it's still happening all around. Kids have no one to talk to who's felt a similar way, so they bottle it up and shove it down every day. I use my writing to pour out these emotions, but not everyone has these notions. There's no way for them to release until they are laid in peace. I guess what I'm saying is we need to take care of the real problem at hand and let them know there is something better planned.