Finale.

I'll admit when I was younger I was a lot more arrogant and I had no idea what the full scope of God meant. So for awhile there I guess I qualified as what we'd call an atheist. I won't go into all of the details, just the gist. I was selfish and prideful and of others I wasn't very mindful. It sounds arrogant to say, but I was too smart and just got in my own way. I was still kind of awkward and nerdy, but I learned how to hide it and settled down into mild popularity. Not nearly the coolest guy in school, and I didn't look all that great at the pool, that's a body issue joke if you don't get it, don't worry I just thought I should fill you in a bit. I had a small group of friends like I always did and behind this cocky bravado I hid. Anything you see today is a shell meant to keep up appearances but back then it was a lot of who I really was. This undeservedly self-centered narcissistic mess of a man, the type of person you never want to be again. It didn't take much get me back on track, just one good reality check. In the middle of pompous act and inflated head I received a call telling me my grandpa was dead. Needless to say, I sunk pretty quick in an almost violent way. I went from laugh and smiles, to travelling hundreds of miles. A few hundred miles in a somber airplane stuck in a melancholy that didn't wane. It's hard to explain my feelings at that time, maybe because at that time I had absolutely zero thoughts running through my mind. Fast forward a few weeks ahead, when the funeral was over and I regretfully accepted the fact he was dead. Most people in times of crisis throw their hands up in the air and ask "God how could you do this?" I was too numb to ask why and the answer I probably couldn't comprehend, but as I've learned now his plans work out in the end. I started attending more Christian events, but never really listened to the message. It still seemed so artificial and I never thought I'd have that moment where you feel breathless. I don't remember the date, but I remember the sensation, knees shaking so hard with trepidation. I didn't understand what was going on, but for some reason the trembling felt everything but wrong. I broke down on the spot, flooded by the images of who I'd been and the messages from my grandpa I'd forgot. I recommitted then and several times afterwards because I always felt I'd come up short and could never apologize with words. I felt compelled to continually recommit until something in my mind would finally stick. It's starting to stick now and I thank you all for your patience, this ride has been intense. The most exciting part is that it's not done yet, God has even more in store I bet.