This is the story of a girl....and one lonely boy

This is the story of a girl…and one lonely boy

    Junior year of high school in Newburg, Wisconsin and not a damn thing has change. It feels like one of those scenes in a movie where the main character stands on a sidewalk looking all sad and dejected while everyone else around him moves in blurs, the only difference is those scenes last thirty seconds and I’ve been stuck in that limbo for the past three years. Ever since I moved here when I was fourteen it’s been the same pithy and boring shit day in and day out.  Before I start the story I feel the need to dispel some already thought up rumors in your head: I am not depressed, suicidal, or emo…I am simply a kid trying to make the best of a broken situation.
    It’s hard to wake up in the morning sometimes because, frankly, who would want to wake up every day to have an ex-Marine yell at you for something? My mother died shortly after the birth of my little sister Marie, who’s 8, and that forced my dad to have to stay home and take after us because while he is an ass, he’s not a total one. Marie is my only vestige of hope for the future, being the only pure soul I see nowadays. Hell, even other kids her age are as cynical and pissed off as me. This morning happens to be particularly quiet, which is nice because my head is pulsing for some reason, because I’m late so I have been forced to walk to school as Dad took the car to drop Marie off because her school starts before mine.
    On the way to school I usually meet up with Craig Horsch, who’s been my best friend since God only knows.  However, this day is turning out to be shit because Craig texted me and he’s not showing up so I’m walking to school alone and cold because Wisconsin doesn’t know what the hell warm is. I pulled my jacket up over my shoulders deciding to pull out a cigarette and lit it blowing little puffs as I walked. And no I am not old enough to buy and/or smoke cigarettes…but Craig is and doesn’t mind helping a friend get his fix. He’s a good kid that boy. Anyways, it was on this morning that I stumbled upon the girl who would send my world into a tailspin. Who would think that a 5’5” blonde girl could cause such damage? Heh, well we will get to that part of the story later.
    I don’t know what was going through my mind, but I stopped at that bus stop and waited for some way to open up a conversation. I stood there with a stupid look and stared across the street because I was afraid if I even so much as looked at her I’d lose everything I didn’t eat for breakfast. Then suddenly the cigarette was yanked from my mouth and playfully put into hers.
    “The name’s Taylor hot shot.” she chimed, giggling softly, “And smoking kills ya know?” she looked up at me.
    “…Roy” I said trying to be as aloof and non-caring as I could, play the cool kid.
    “Roy, schmoy, toy, boy, coy…”she rattled off rhymes bouncing her head back and forth slightly, which was odd and annoying but I wasn‘t paying enough attention to give a damn.
    And then the silence pervaded again as I couldn’t think of one single thing to say in response since I’m not very good at rhyming and Taylor isn’t exactly the easiest name to rhyme, so I took a glance at he, finally, and that glance was all it took to hook me. I fell instantly in love with her short blonde hair, eyes as blue as ice or the ocean or some other cheesy romantic crap, and then there was those soft, pale lips that set themselves in the most delicate of smiles whilst holding what was left of a menthol cigarette…perfection personified.
    “Like what ya see hot shot?” she smiled flashing me a wink, doing a small spin to show herself off.
    “I wasn’t looking…” I shot her a glance, still trying to seem like the detached bad-ass women are supposedly attracted to.
    She poked my shoulder with a finger pushing me a bit as she said, “Fine then, your loss.”
    Shortly after that we both entered onto the bus and took our respective seats, not speaking to each other for the entire length of the ride. I deliberately took a seat behind her as to enjoy her beauty from afar, where I didn’t have to struggle to maintain my persona. The kid next to me kept making jokes because I was staring, but luckily for him I wasn’t paying attention  because I would’ve likely decked him.
    Once at school we didn’t get much of a chance to see each other, let alone talk. The more I sat and brooded over it, the more ridiculous it seemed that a girl like that would go for me. It was a long shot, but I was determined to at least see what would happen. Little did I know what was in store for me.

Hubris: The Human Condition

What is a man but a collection of faults and weaknesses? It may seem like a pessimistic view to claim we are nothing but our bad parts. I, however; challenge you to think of that as truth and listen to me on this. We are naturally conditioned from birth to find the good in ourselves and work to exemplify those things and those alone. I chose to personally throw that notion away and I think it was a pretty bold thing to do and ultimately the right thing to do, in my mind at least. When you only care about the good in yourself you end up neglecting the flaws and then they sit at the bottom of your personality and fester. I used to be a very prideful person, but never chose to accept that fact and it lead to a falling out in a few areas. Since my new life outlook I can't in good conscious say I am no longer prideful though. However, since I identified that part of me, I have actively tried to be more humble in everything I do and I do this not to cover up that pride but so that I feel truly prideful of the things I do. Pride was the deadliest of the seven sins for a reason and that's because it encompasses all the others. When you succumb to pride you begin to think more highly of yourself in every aspect and become foolhardy and arrogant. That arrogance can lead you down a very dark path I know, but since the turnaround and my increased humility I still feel pride but not in the overwhelming sense like before. I'm not saying be humble in everything because sometimes you do something that's really amazing because as humans we are capable of such feats. All I am saying is that keep your pride in check and here's some examples. If you play sports and score the winning points then go ahead and have some pride you just won for goodness sake but afterwards don't begin telling everyone that the team couldn't have done it without you because in reality you couldn't have done it without the team. Pride comes from two sources: arrogance and achievement, identify where your pride comes from and you'll know whether or not your pride is earned. My main point here is that, take it from a guy who has been there that pride has some fine lines that many people don't realize they cross before it's too late and everything they held so close was taken away. I think I'll finish with this quote: "A man who is eating or lying with his wife or preparing to go to sleep in humility, thankfulness and temperance, is, by Christian standards, in an infinitely higher state than one who is listening to Bach or reading Plato in a state of pride."-C.S. Lewis.

The Devil's Monolouge

The say the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn’t exist. Well folks I feel bad to tell you this, but I sure as hell do. Ha, get that little joke there? The devil…saying hell…all right that’s a little low-brow, but I gotta dumb it down for you humans. How stupid could a race be that they don’t believe in an ultimate evil? I am in everything you simpletons do. If you stopped for a minute and thought about it I control everything you do. ‘But what about the Christians who are saved?’ I can hear some of you clamoring that right now and all right not every villain is able to control everyone, there are bound to be a few rebels folks. But even so, not all of those self-righteous people are as high and mighty as you’d like to think. Back to my main point though, I control everything. Ever stop to think why there’s so much sex or drugs on your television? Me. Concerned about the rising threat of gangs? Me. Scared to leave your home with all the ‘toxins’ in the air? Well I think at this point you catch my drift. The best part is you idiots do most of the work for me! I put a bug in someone’s ear about anthrax or something like that and you guys begin the fear mongering. It’s almost pathetic sometimes what sends humans into a tizzy, it’s really all laughable in the end. The pure fact of the matter here is that you people can’t get away from me no matter what. Although, I do applaud those true believers who have managed to resist my beckoning. Everyone else on the other hand are just sheep being led to the slaughter.

The Tithe of War Part I: Pride

           Dawn broke over the Mardian realm quietly that first morning. In retrospect I should’ve known something was wrong at that very moment. In a world that was being torn asunder by constant fighting between the races and all the tensions that go with unrest, a quiet morning should have set my alarms on high. Instead, I lazily went through the morning ritual; lighting incense, opening the shades, making sure the idols and statues were in place, and other various actions. This morning was particularly important, as it was my first day as a colonel. Even the sound of hearing Colonel Hiroko hadn’t quite set in inside my head yet. The whole week had a sort of ethereal feel as if it were just some conjurer’s prophecy, meant to happen but not quite yet.

            After morning prayers I adorned the standard colonel uniform and headed out for our training grounds. The clanking of the new chest-plate and the greaves bothered me, I preferred my previous scouting garb. This full bodied armor was too heavy, too restricting; somehow I felt this paladin armor was going to be more of a nuisance than a blessing. I know of a lot of other elves that would kill for the position I’m in and yet all I feel is a disconnect from the rest of my brothers.

            “Hah!” announced Lieutenant General Taria heartily, “Seems Hiroko has come to join us after all.”

            “Of course Lieutenant General,” I politely bowed, “Would be disgraceful to skip out on the first day would it not?”

            He chuckled and nodded as we proceeded to walk along the courtyard. Lieutenant General Taria was a distinguished war hero, having fought in first two Elven wars. His face bore the marks of war. He had a deep scar crossing the bridge of his nose and his large square jaw always seemed to have the indents from the edge of an ill-fitting helmet, it was hard for the blacksmiths to make a helmet large enough for him. We were on our way to the war room where I would be assigned a Lieutenant and begin preparations for the upcoming war.

            We entered the room and I quietly took my spot and watched the table, immersing myself deeply in my own thoughts. Tensions had been rising between the humans and the dwarves. The humans were supposedly impeding on Dwarven holy lands on Mt Koarui, but the humans insisted they were taking every precaution to avoid that side of the mountain. We understood the dwarves plight as humans had little regard for the religious and sacred places of any race, even us Elves, but nonetheless we were bound by our pact with the humans to aide them once they declared war. This ordeal was tiresome and boring. I began to wonder to myself why we even bothered to sign a treaty with the humans. Once I heard the news I knew something like this would happen, even my mother insisted I withdraw from the military and avoid getting dragged into the mess they’re creating. I furrowed my brow studying the table, the dwarves have advanced their campsites.

            “Everything all right Hiroko?” General Amarin said looking over at me with a puzzled look.

            “Hm? Oh yes fine,” I responded, “I was just concerned about the placement of those dwarven camps.”

            “Are the off? Our recon units were very specific in their coordinates.” He spoke, now taking a closer look at the map himself along with the other officers in the room.

            “No, no it’s not that. It’s just that the placement and size of the camp seem to indicate that they are building up some sort of defense on that road. Was there any significance there?” I asked.

            “Nothing sir, that’s just a trade route,” said a thin Scout unit in the back of the room.

            “Trade?” my alarm quickly rose as I turned to him, “What sort of items were on the caravans travelling that route?”

            “Uhm, let’s see…” he poured over his list a bit panicked, “We don’t know sir, the caravans bore an unknown insignia. Here, the scouts gave us a sketch.” He said, handing me the slip of paper.

            “Would you like to fill us in Colonel Hiroko?” Taria said as he came over giving the paper a look-over.

            I pointed at the paper and looked up at Taria with an intent glare, “I’ve seen this before on a few of my missions. These are weapons caravans from Raulia, where the Dragonkin live! They must be allied with the Dwarves.” I exclaimed.

            “Dragonkin? But what use would they have aligning with the dwarves?” said Major General Weoyn.

            “I don’t know,” I said as I paced back and forth, tapping a finger against my chin, “I don’t mean to be rude and rush out sirs, but do you think I could meet my Lieutenant now? I would like to do that soon so I can go home and read over some papers from my contact in Raulia.”

            “I suppose it’s all right if you’re onto something here Hiroko. Lieutenant!” Amarin called out as the scout went out of the room being replaced by the new Lieutenant.

            I stood there waiting a bit tapping my foot impatiently, but the tapping abruptly stopped as I saw who had come in. She was a fair-haired elf around my age with a sour look on her face, most likely sour because she felt she should be of the same rank as me. We had been in the same class at the academy and performed similarly. Our only difference, albeit a glaring one in my opinion, was field experience. On our first mission we were sent out to recover some blueprints that a group of rebels had stolen. It was routine, easy in and out or at least it would have been if we had followed protocol. When we arrived at the rendezvous she had spotted a few hostages that weren’t mentioned in the dossier. I insisted that we follow the mission strictly and let an evacuation unit handle it, but she had other plans in mind already. Needless to say things went south when we failed to get the blueprints and the hostages and to add insult to injury she suffered an arrow through her left shoulder. The rehab and recovery ended up relegating her to run mostly courier duties between the villages while I took command of the recon unit. She’s resented me ever since and blamed me for the mishap since I wasn’t fully behind her plan. None of the other generals knew of this previous information as all mission assignments were kept confidential between those involved and the assignment corps, but nonetheless these lieutenant pairings were completely random so there was nothing to be done.

            “Lieutenant Artymexia this is your commanding Colonel, Colonel Hiroko.” Armain said as he led her in and we exchanged a polite bow and shook hands.

            “It’s an honor Colonel Hiroko.” She said with a begrudging tone, giving my hand a more than firm grasp.

            I smiled back, “Well then sorry to rush us out of here Lieutenant, but we now have urgent business.”

            With that said we both gave our salute and left heading off to talk in my office. The walk was long and quiet and I could already feel the tensions building.

Silver Lining

Silver Lining

                Ever hear that old cliché “every cloud has a silver lining”? If not, I’m sure you’ve heard some other version of and old-timey pick-me-up line that’s supposed to make you feel better. For most of us though we simply shrug off those lines and ignore the people who say them because to hell with them do they really think that some ancient proverb is really going to be the thing that turns me around? It’s just folly and garbage tossed around when we have nothing left to say.

                Or maybe I’m just bitter after having to have lived my entire life in a constant down spiral of depression, drugs, and midnight dates with the roof of a very tall building. Don’t make assumptions though, this isn’t some pithy, self-loathing “woe is me” story full of tragic tales of over-exaggerated lost loves and the sort, this is the story of a guy who can’t enjoy a single moment of happiness without something else going horribly wrong. I’m a 29 year old man who has never had a fulfilling relationship or anything meaningful in his life. Everything I end up loving goes bad because for some reason I’ve been cursed with the fate of never being able to be truly happy. It started out small when I was younger, mom or dad’s car would break down or I’d end up scraping my knees and elbows real bad, but I never thought I was cursed. Naturally, though, as time progressed the repercussions grew exponentially and suddenly it was broken bones and car wrecks. I’ve never been able to pin point why fate chose me but at about age 14 I made the connection that my happiness had been the cause of the turmoil. Since that discovery I’ve lived in fear of ever enjoy something and have had to quell any positive emotions I once had. As a result, I stayed single most of my life and focused on schooling.

 I did have a lover once though…about eleven years ago when I was just turning 18. She was a feisty brunette girl who seemed to have the world in the palm of her hands. We started dating a few months before the incident. She was 20 at the time, but we never even noticed the age difference because we were pretty close in interests and hobbies anyways. When we were together that fear of the curse seemed to melt away, when in reality it should have made it that much more prevalent. I guess it was always in the back of my head that something bad would happen, but I figured if she got hurt in a wreck or something it wasn’t such a big deal. We had plenty of money to cover medical or auto bills, I had a decent office job making good money and she worked at the World Trade Center, which is impressive for kids our age I would say.  But with that being in the past I think we all know where this part of the story goes…I woke up on the 11^th to a pleasant good-morning kiss from her and a bright smile as well as I opened my eyes. She was excited to tell me that she was pregnant and it took me a few moments but I was generally surprised and worst of all I was happy. We both left for work, excited to go and tell our friends of the big news, little did we know how the day would turn out. I was in the middle of telling a Co-worker about it when our boss rushed into the break room switching on the news. It should’ve clicked right then that something was wrong, our boss was never panicked, but nevertheless we all stared dumbfounded at the images on our screen. The scene seemed so unreal that it took until the news casters voice broke over for it to fully hit me…she was dead. I fell to my knees in a sullen heap, no words, no tears, just dejected and disillusioned.

I left work early that day for the obvious reason, but I never went back. In fact, I moved out of New York and back to Ohio soon after that. I feel into a drunken stupor after that, placing all the blame of the attacks on myself. Every time I’m happy something bad happens and at the moment of peak happiness it was all torn away from me, but this time it affected thousands of others as well. The next few years went by drunken and uneventful, I stayed down in desolation row as the rest of the world progressed and moved on. It wasn’t quite perfect, but I have a hunch my depression helped keep us out of World War 3, for now at least. Now let’s fast forward about 10 years.

However, to throw in another trashy cliché, old habits tend to die hard. I don’t enjoy making others suffer and all that kind of stuff, but as a human being human I craved happiness, companionship, anything to help cope with the terrible lives we all lead. I obtained these things on a highly superficial lever, but never anything substantial. I drifted in and out of homes and apartments, drunken stupors, and purely physical relationships that cultivated nothing but a growing fear of STDs. Nothing stays bad forever though for I found the real thing recently, a nice blonde girl who was a bit ditzy and clumsy, but everything was done with the best intentions. Again, I found myself with a girl out of my league, but I figure she saw me as one of those “fixer-upper” boyfriends that women tend to look for. Whether that’s true or not I don’t know, nor do I care for that matter. Our first few months went by without anything negative happening whatsoever. I began to slowly think that every bad memory linked to happiness was just a fluke, 3 months and no repercussions yet had to be some sort of sign I thought. I was still careful and reserved because as I said old habits die hard.

It wasn’t until our third month of dating that the world began to shift off of its axis. The political situation had been unstable for a while, but that wasn’t due to me that was just politics being politics. The downward spiral began when the talks at the UN became violent. Countries began assaulting countries verbally via their representatives. Things took a turn for the worst though when the North and South Koreans brought it to physical violence. I heard this news after I had got home from the jewelry store where I bought an engagement ring, maybe three months is a little quick to make that jump, but love is blind so they say. Since my paranoia over the curse had seceded, I failed to make the connection between happiness and turmoil though. When I proposed and she said yes, several nations began mobilizing the military in preparation for the oncoming disaster.

We went on planning and making things official for our wedding and ignored the surrounding noise as nothing more than overblown hysteria. She began to worry though that I would end up getting drafted into the military, which had begun after less and less kids dropped out of high school and had nothing better to do. I simply told her the military wouldn’t want anything to do with a scrawny, thin-boned architect, a career I pursued after pulling myself together prior to us dating. She smiled politely back and offered a courtesy smile, but the fear was still hidden in her eyes. Things continued like this, we planned the wedding and hid our growing fears. It came to a point that we couldn’t avoid it any longer though and that was the night before the wedding, when I was feeling more ecstatic than I had ever in my life.  The news came that several metropolitan areas across the world had been struck by nuclear weapons: Seoul, London, Cairo, Moscow, and New York City. I slumped down onto my hotel bed and stared at the TV. How could this be happening again? I knew I had to do something.

I shut the TV off and sat in my room in silence for an hour or so thinking of what I was going to say to her. How could I explain my luck without sounding crazy and was just getting cold feet? It seemed hopeless and stupid but I had to do it, I had to end this marriage and all this pain and suffering I was causing. Hours passed by slowly until I gathered the courage and exited my room, heading down the hallway to hers. The sound of my heart knocking against my chest was louder than my knuckles hitting her door. It seemed so surreal, everything that was happening; it was like something out of a bad war-romance novel. The hero bravely leaving his love to go conquer the evils of the world. Only in this instance I’m not the hero, I’m the villain. When she finally opened the door her smile quickly dissolved into fear. I slowly walked with her into the room and sat down on the bed, hands shaking violently. It took several minutes to explain everything to her. She sat down looking so calm and serene, it was unbelievable. The silence crept around us as we both avoided saying the words that were obviously on the tips of our tongues. I got up after a few moments, but moving was a struggle as the weight of the moment pressed down against me. For the past few minutes the only thing that could pervade the silence was the rustling of the sheets as I got up and her hands gripped them even tighter. I was afraid her nails clenching tight like that were going to cut into her hand and draw blood. Eventually I grabbed her by the wrists gently pulling her hands off the sheets and she stood up, standing close to me.

She asked me what I had planned and I didn’t respond though. I had the answer in my head, but I didn’t have the courage in my heart to tell her. I wanted to run out of this room right now and just end it and let everyone go on living happily ever after. She was young, confident, and beautiful…she’d get over me in a heartbeat. Finally, I just kissed her forehead and left the room with no words, feeling her nails scrape against my hands as she fought to hold on to them. Each step I took down the hallway echoed in my head, pounding against my temples as my heart beat faster with the adrenaline surging. Luckily, our rooms were towards the top of the hotel and I was on the roof quickly and the echo subsided. The pounds shifted to soft clicks of my heels against the roof as I approached the edge. The frailty of human will came back to haunt me again as even though I know ending it all is the right thing to do for the world, it’s still a process having to do it.

I dangled on foot over the edge getting a feel for it, like testing the water in a pool. My breaths became slow and exasperated as my life slowly passed before me. I always thought that was a myth, but being here on the brink of destruction of both my life and the whole world, as of right now, everyone should be reflecting on hoping they’ve done something worthwhile with life. I was seconds away from jumping before she burst out from the door in tears begging me not to do it, that she didn’t care about the past, that she only wanted to improve our future. I looked backed and smiled, explaining to her that this was the only way to improve our future. She tried pleading with me again, but I simply said I was sorry and leaned back over the edge plummeting to the bottom. I didn’t know it at the time but, as I made my final descent the negotiations had finally gotten on track and a treaty was being formed. My life had finally made a positive impact on the world as my body impacted the sidewalk.   

               

The Perilious Predicament of the Playful Pup

     There once was on overly playful wolf pup named Aaron. He was easily excitable, but quite friendly. He had a snowy white coat, but the other pups made fun of him because of his peculiar green eyes. Aaron didn’t mind though because he knew he was special despite what the mean pups had to say. He walked with a confident strut and an ever wagging tail.

One day while wandering out in the forest, chasing mice and butterflies, Aaron strayed too far away from the rest of the pack and got lost. As dusk came he turned to head back home, but realized he had no idea where he was. The forest started to come alive with the sounds of night, most pups would’ve gotten scared and ran, but Aaron was no normal pup.

“I’m not afraid of anything!” he proudly proclaimed, standing defiantly in the woods barking at trees.

He continued to walk around and get a sense of where he was. Aaron walked with his tail in the air, full of pride, as he began to hear some growling. He quickly turned around growling in return as he got ready to pounce on his would be attacker. He stood in the darkness awaiting his foe, but none appeared.

“Come on show yourself! I’m the toughest wolf in my pack!” he boasted.

Suddenly the bushes behind him rustled as a badger came charging, but stopped short. Aaron turned facing the badger, still growling. The both eyed each other carefully.

“Oh, you’re just a kid” said the badger, “I thought you were actually a threat.”

“What was that?” Aaron growled. “I’m no kid!”

The badger turned to leave without responding, but Aaron held down the badgers’ tail with his paw so he couldn’t escape. “Can you at least show me the way outta here?” Aaron asked.

The badger laughed, “A badger work with some green and white weirdo? You’re a strange kid, that’s for sure.”

“Come on please? We can be friends!” Aaron said, releasing the badger and wagging his tail.

The badger looked at Aaron a little confused, “You’re…you’re serious?” he asked.

“Well of course!” Aaron exclaimed, “Why not?”

“Cause we’re different kid, we aren’t supposed to be friends” the badger told him.

“That’s just silly,” Aaron laughed; “Everybody can be friends!” he smiled wagging his tail even more.

“Boy you really are a strange pup,” the badger said, “Come on I’ll show you the way out.”

Aaron jumped, barking happily, as he walked off with the badger. As they travelled along the forest path a few other animals snickered and laughed as the pair walked by, calling them weirdos and crazy. Aaron was not hurt though, he was proud to have made a new friend. He even convinced the badger to play a few games with him as they walked like who could catch the most mice or short little races.

“I don’t think we are gonna make it back before the big ball in the sky comes down” said the badger, “We should stop and sleep here.”

“What big ball?” Aaron asked tilting his head. “You mean the sun?”

“Sure I guess,” said badger, “Us badgers just call it the big ball though cause that’s what it looks like.”

Aaron nodded as he circled around making himself a little bed for the night and then lay down, curling up. Their peaceful slumber was quickly disturbed as a large thumbing sound began to shake the ground. The pair woke up with a startle, wondering what has making such a big commotion. From the darkness of the forest emerged a large wolverine.

“This is my forest!” the wolverine snarled.

“No way! This is everyone’s!” said Aaron, charging the wolverine.

“Yeah! Get’em!” the badger yelled, attacking the wolverine as well.

Both Aaron and the badger got the wolverine in the stomach and it ran off into the woods scared of them. Aaron yipped happily, prancing around pridefully before crashing into a tree he didn’t notice. He fell onto his back laughing and the badger began laughing as well.

“You hate wolverines too?” badger asked as he helped Aaron up.

“Of course! They’re smelly and act like big bullies when they’re just wimps” he responded, “Hey…what’s your name anyways? You never told me.”

“Oh…My name’s Bucky.” He said. “Now come on let’s get going now that we rested up!”

Aaron nodded and followed Bucky out of the forest. When the pair finally reached Aaron’s pack he was greeted with a lot of disapproving scowls. His mother scolded him for running off like that and the other pups made fun of him still. Aaron just ignored it though as he had a fun adventure and made a new friend and that’s all that mattered to him.