Simply Said

I'm going to be honest I find it hard to write sometimes, my mind is just crammed full of lines lines lines. It's hard to make headway inside my own head. It'll only be quiet when I'm finally dead. I can't even imagine what goes on up there, full of creatures and wonders so incredibly rare. Some think it's easy to just come up with these rhymes and to those people I say why don't you try it a few times. It's not just a trick that I can turn on and off, and if you think it is then just bugger off. I go insane sometimes trying to sit here and write, I'm pretty sure I'm not totally all right. I hear the buzzing of words throughout my brain and I think that's what's driving me insane. It never stops, just keeps rambling on and on and on and I think I should just move on, you get the point, there's no sense in going over that joint. I'm sure you understand why I'm a bit of an odd person so there's no need to go on and on and on. Try to imagine a balloon if you can and now imagine it starting to expand. Now when almost full until it's about to pop, start cramming it full of things right up to the top. That's what it is like inside my imagination and why I write with no hesitation. It's a rush to get things out first, before that precariously packed balloon bursts. So sometimes may seem dark or scary, but don't worry friend, things aren't that hairy. It's just that there's so many thoughts and dreams and hopes I want to share with you all and that means I'm going to have to tear down this wall. This wall of impenetrability and began to show my own vulnerability. Creating a world of words and phrases to show you all of my life's different phases, the good, the bad, and the why do I still remember this, I guess it is time I show everyone what it all is. No more hiding, no more fear, it's time to show you everything my dear. Everything about who I am and who I've been, but I must warn you once we start, we can't go back again.

The Tale of Pirate Flynn

There once was a man, rugged and true
He commanded the respect of his entire crew.
He had thick, dark hair, was tall as a tree
his eyes were as blue and fierce as the turbulent sea.
He was known from London to Bombay
all travelers knew it was best to be out of his way.
He commanded a ship with grace and ease,
his voice bellowed out like an ocean breeze.
Fiercely respected by sailors and pirates alike,
No one could ever know where he'd strike.
He controlled the ocean like the great Poseidon
A pirate like him won't be seen again.
To most he was known as the pirate Flynn
but to those in open waters he was the Devil's Wind.
Never fought a battle he couldn't win
Flynn knew well when to go all in.
The smell of the sea salt and brine
lingered around much longer than women and wine.
A pirates life is hard, full of working and fighting
all for the hope of some treasure sighting.
Ye need nerves uncommon to most men,
but ye'll travel to places some have never been.
It's a lofty dream to be chasing after
some only find their death faster.
If ye want to be a pirate you've got to know it in yer skin
But never forget about that Devil Flynn.

Life is sweet when lived complete

We try to hold onto life so desperately that some people never experience it fully. Life is full so many wonders to see, it surpasses anything ever shown in Disney. Again I sound cliche and oh so passe, but to those that believe that I have much more to say. I may not have lived the happiest or the brightest, but I've never once regretted this test. Have you? Cause if you do, then I apologize because living life simply should never be your demise. Some want to dream to live a life that's simple and plain but a life like that would just drive me insane. Living like that would be incredibly boring, I want to live like a bird I should be soaring! High above the people and cities where stuffy people sit in their little committees. You can keep your briefcase and 401K, I'll go on living a wonderful life OK?

Broken, but still good.

Everybody is broken in some sort of way, it's due to the trials and tribulations we face each day. And if you say you don't have a single bruise, you're life has been a cruise, well then congratulations on surviving a trial by fire or maybe more precisely congratulations on being a liar. Maybe it's just me but I refuse to believe anyways had it that easy all the while, you may be born with a silver spoon but you're broken and fragile. The truth is our emotions, our beings are broken and battered, but that's how they are meant to be, a person proud to show their scars means so much to me. I may not be the best at letting them show, but I make a point of making sure others know. Everybody feels like their pain is worse, how could anyone ever relate? That's just prideful thinking that leads to self-hate. It's a cyclical process, pain leads to hate and that hate leads to sorrow, and soon enough you begin to hate tomorrow. I know this all because I lived through it, the difference is I didn't live by it. While people mock you and bring your confidence to zero, just remember their pompous act is to protect a fragile ego. Instead of accepting our faults, we lock those emotions in some tight vaults. We refuse to accept we are anything less, so we make others feel like less and end up in another mess. Society teaches kids they have to be the best, but only one can claim that top spot...what about the rest? Those kids who weren't strong or pretty enough, is there enough room in popularity for us? We place our values in the wrong types of things, it seems that all we focus on is things. Those tangible things give us confirmation and validation that serve as our evaluation. People are put on pedestals because they are perfect and pristine like they are straight out of a movie scene. But the make up and puffed out chests is a desperate attempt to separate themselves from the rest. Sure it might work at first, but that inflated ego is like a balloon, it's going to burst. Don't ever be afraid of losing friends if show who you really are, because real friends will roll up their sleeves and compare scars.

Something Romantic

I loved a girl once, but that seems so long ago. Well really I still love her, why? I don't really know. Maybe she's the one, the woman I was destined for, or maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic always longing for something more. It's nice to have that feeling, when everything's seemingly all right and when it's gone you stay up dreaming all night. Dreaming of her and the words she said, caught up in melodramatics wishing you were dead. But that's just the foolishness of being hurt, just listen to me though her "smell" will eventually leave your shirt. Love comes and love goes, it's a tired old cliche that we've all come to know. I guess I shouldn't talk since I still love the same girl, but I've been through it all so I know the same shock. I know it hurts when they don't love you back, sometimes you just have to wait and that's all I'll say about that. Well, let's back up a bit and give some context to these thoughts and tell you about the girl who has my heart in knots. I was about 15 when I met her, I was so young and naive. The fact that a girl this beautiful was even talking to me was hard to believe. Young, blonde, beautiful, serene probably the most amazing person I'd ever seen. Sweet and creative the list is endless, but let's not get too wrapped up in this. We talked and then we dated, then affections of love were soon stated. It was something I'd never felt before, I'd loved others but never felt it like this, to the core.  It was great at first, always is in the beginning, and since I'm built out of cliches my whole world was spinning. But I wasn't prepared for the fallout and learning what broken hearts are really about. We all have baggage and some sort of damage and how life can be so seemingly savage. Long story short we broke up, but I guess that was obvious, but from there on out things were on and off for us. I know I'm leaving out some major details, but getting to into it all is a whole nother set of tales. The important part is I love and still do, even if for her the same isn't true. We're both better now, the broken fences mended and the future is fairly open-ended.

Thank You

I just wanted to thank you all for making me the man I am today, but there's so much more to this than my feeble words will ever say. You've all created and molded who I am, but I live with this fear that it's all a sham. I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and be exactly the same as I was back then and that's not the type of person I want to be again. I was manipulative, abrasive, and honestly surprised I had a friend, you'll never know how much I hate myself at a days end. Sometime's I'm afraid that's my true identity and that terrifies me. Has this progress been all for not? Should these changes just be forgot? I know I've become a better person, a better man, someone please tell me I'm better than, better than the old callous me please tell me that's not who I'm supposed to be. I know I still feel selfish, arrogant, and rude. I just wasn't built to be some closeted prude. Is that so bad or wrong? Or am I destined to be this mess all along? Why can't I just get some validation or some sort of confirmation? Whenever I'm told I'm doing something right, there's always that second part to confirm I'm still not all right. Like right steps but just not there yet, but you'll get there I bet. Sometimes I just don't get why I'm so insecure or why I hold in all these fears. I try to be the best man I know how to be, but...maybe that guy just isn't me. Maybe everything I think about me is just a result of an inflated ego, where I even got that I don't know. The fake self-confidence has built up a wall around my psyche it's eliminated any chance of someone seeing what might be. Like maybe there is a vulnerable person in there crying out for help, but that person is quiet and won't even yelp. Maybe some have seen him or heard a cry, but this vulnerable side is hidden behind locks and doors and we don't know why? I think it's because I'm scared of my real self, that's why I keep it on a shelf. Scared of the power he holds to show me the treasures untold. Treasures of life and and the world that could be mine, if only I didn't keep him in such a bind. But what if people don't like the man behind the mask, that's why I'm so afraid of this task. The task of showing my true colors, I just don't think I'm ready to show that to others. Will they be disgusted, turn and run? Or will they be delighted I've finally come? That story's yet to be finished, and won't be until this fake me is finally diminished. So let me get back to the main point, thank you for at least bringing me to this point.

Hashtag Really?

It's crazy to see how many people are getting into relationships, it's getting hard just to keep track of it. It seems like high school is less about education and more about communication, getting in on the latest gossip and rumors, listening in on every coital murmur. Because we make sex seem cool and kids use it as a tool. They boost their popularity into places it shouldn't be. Now, there's nothing with having friends, that's not what I'm saying, egos just seem to be over-inflated to me. Someone gets 1,00 Twitter followers or Facebook friends and suddenly their reality comes to an end. It's replaced with this self-centered attitude because they were retweeted once by some sort of famous dude. Which is cool and all, but using that to decide your friends is like deciding your future with a crystal ball. We've traded real friends and loves for digital dudes and people in a social media stratosphere so far above. We replace an ideal of a higher name just for the chance to get a little blue check next to our twitter name. I use twitter and facebook a lot so they aren't the problem, it's when we put way too much faith in all of them. It's no longer "hey call me at 501", now it's become "hey follow me @cutie1" #omg, could it really be? That cute person from homeroom followed me?" Stop it, are you serious? Hashtag this, hashtag that, can we please stop? All these things are making me delirious. We are bombarded by tweets and notifications from random people and associations. Half of them we will never know, but we all still accept them though. We just follow and friend, that's the new social trend.