So Long Farewell

I'll be honest this is something I really don't want to say, because I honestly thought I'd never have to face this day. I think the odd thing is that this day comes four years after the fact, but that's only because I never knew how to say all of this crap. I say crap because after everything, I really don't feel my words mean a damned thing. You were my mentor, my role model, the type of man I'm becoming and want to become, you set for me the example. Of being more than just there, you made it a point to show and make us believe you cared. Never with grand gestures full of amazement and wonder, but with little things over and over again I can't even count the number. Because you showed me that love is more than monetary gains and you gave me the strength of shouldering your pain. Not because you bottled it away, but because there were kids that wanted to play. You taught me that it doesn't matter the cost to you, so long as that you always come through. I was never told these lessons directly, but I soaked it all in watching you intently. I inherited the values I hold so dear and through you I've made my ambitions clear. We always complain people go before their time and this is no different, but life has it's reasons and this is no different. It still hurts knowing your gone, but I'm embodying those messages and moving along. You wouldn't want us to dwell on it anyways, but like I said it's never easy to fully part ways. I hadn't until now, honestly I had still been holding onto a shred of hope you'd comeback so how. But that's the dreamer in me, wishing life wasn't always what it had to be. I still don't know if this will ever be truly OK, but I feel I needed to say it some day. So goodbye Grandpa and thanks for all you've done. I don't really know what else to say, I know I'll see you again some day. And when that time finally rolls in, I'll get to say hello again.

Deathly Troubled

Let's take a minute to talk about something that's real, something that we, every day, all feel. Let's take a moment and expose our fears. Forget about the simple things like bugs and things that go bump in the night, I want to talk about things that are never quite all right. Some of us are afraid of dying or having a loved one die, but all I ask is why? If we believe in a higher power, something up above, then shouldn't death be something we embrace like those we love? I know this is getting a bit macabre, but to me it seems like people are reluctant to meet God. When someone finally goes "it was their time", but when ours comes around we plead to anyone who will listen, "it's not mine!" Clinging so desperately to our fragile frame of existence, we live a safe life free from any experience. Choose the path of a lonely life, with a steady job, maybe even kids and a wife. A life that was never worth living because it wasn't life at all, when it came to choosing something to do you dropped the ball. Stayed home instead of taking that trip or maybe there was something else that through your hands you let slip. Sitting around fearing the inevitability of death, but if it's so unavoidable why do we give it such a wide breadth? Now I'm not saying that we should go out and do drugs because YOLO, I guess what I'm getting at is just give life a go. It gets tiring to hear people complain they are bored and restless, when it's their own fault for being content and listless. Meandering to and fro with no direction of where to go, and no clue on how to take a chance, I bet they can't even remember the last time they danced. So content in the safe little cocoon, built up around them like an overblown balloon. Bumping into everyone else's little bubble, sometimes I get the urge to pop some and cause a bit of trouble. Watch their faces as they are hit with a bit of reality thanks to my chaotic insanity. Life in a bubble isn't life at all, it's worse than life in a pokeball. At least then you have a purpose, maybe an HM 01, sorry did I lose some people when I cut that one? Some of us strive to be the very best, while some of us never even show up to take the test. So think about your life for a second and the bubble you're in. Take a moment or two then give me a call, I'm always free to do some poppin.

Love is Broken

Have you ever loved someone in such a way that you can feel them against you even when they are so far away? Loved someone so deeply that sometimes their face is all you can see? I've already stated that I'm choc full of cliches and have accepted that everything I say is so passe, but I don't really care OK? Love is something I, for lack of a better word, love. I love love more than the earth below and sky above, could I make it any clearer? It's what makes you nervous whenever you're near her and it's what drives you to do idiotic things to impress or please her. Sometimes you're stuck between two loves and can't choose, you can't have both and with either one there's something to lose. Maybe a friendship will end or some people feel burned, but love is never easy but somethings just have to bend. Love isn't always accepted, we scorn those who love differently from us or those who have taken something from us, like their happiness is somehow to blame for our lack thereof, now that's not just. Just because you're sad and let it slip away doesn't mean another's love should also decay. We cling so desperately to things that aren't ours, and long for something carnal we can devour. Because we've somehow confused the emotion with the physical attraction. We speed things up then try to slow them down, in hopes that we can finally keep someone around. It's taken in all the wrong shapes and forms, people trying to control something that's out of the norm. Love shouldn't be a frequent feeling, love is delicate and fleeting, sensitive to the heart's quiet beating. So when two meet and synchronize, it's that cheesy gleam you see in their eyes. We're all broken and searching for our other half, but we want someone perfect or someone we can't have. But it's not about finding that one perfect girl, it's about finding the one that removes you from the world. Takes you away from everything that's cynical and jaded, removes those feelings of bitterness and hatred. It's about finding that person who takes you as a broken mess and knows in her heart that this is you at your very best.

Sleep Soundly

Another sun rises in the sky

And I turn over, content to let it pass by

Ready to stay in and sleep through it all

Shut off the phone because I won't take a call.

Deciding it's OK to take a day off what will I miss?

With all the shit happening I don't really want to see this.

Maybe if I just shut my eyes tight

Everything will at the very least appear all right.

Because I'm sick of all the tragedies

I'm sick of always waking up to new travesties.

I just want to stay asleep until it's all gone,

Hide away and hope it's all said and done.

But that will never happen so long as we are human

Because it is in our nature to do this again.

Build Hearts From Stars

Sometime's late at night I just like to watch the stars and use their light to illuminate the scars. Just gazing into that deep dark abyss, thinking about life I've come to the simple conclusion that there's got to be more than this. More than the muck and mire of ordinary life that we a forced to watch transpire, more than the money and fame, more than the foolish acts of shame. It's an obvious assumption to make, yet it seems from all of these things we never take a break. We continue to lie, cheat and steal, we continue fill ourselves with the same pedantic spiel. But there are bright lights among the wreckage, people who live their lives by a different message. One of hope, bravery and fortitude, one that leads them to challenge the status quo regardless of the forced solitude. Because for some reason we demonize and vilify the heroes who even dare to defy. It's these rebels and ruffians that I ally and choose to build my heart from the stars. Because their light provides a chance to see the the darkness, an opportunity to cut though and navigate the blackness. It seems grim and bleak from time to time, but when it does just look up to see the stars shine. The darkness seems so vast and unfathomable, but those stars, thousands of them, try their hardest to make it more manageable. Some of these stars shine with such bright fervor, it's hard to imagine anything like them before. The sad truth though, is that those stars that burn so bright and beautifully are the ones that go out unjustifiably. So we grow angry and sad in retaliation, crying out "How dare you take away my reformation? How dare you reply back with more obfuscation?"  We grow frustrated that our source of light has been taken away, broken and desloate because our star has died away. Don't be sad when a star dies, because they go out with such a flourish it's almost magical to the eyes. You have to pick yourself and know it happened for a reason, keep on walking, keep going for yourself and for no other reason. Build your hearts from these stars and know that no matter how dark it gets, that light is never to far. An ending cliche, they are forever in your heart, fostering the light even you had from the start.

What's Left Unsaid

I don't feel like there's much more to say,

It feels like I've poured my soul out in every way.

I know there's parts I've never even seen

Things inside myself only revealed through dreams.

I think I've spent so much time exposing the flaws,

that it seems I'll never ever escape the dark's jaws.

In all honesty it's really not that bad or dismal

I just have a lot of demons that's all.

So maybe my heart seems like some twisted wreckage

Filled with sad stories and some outdated adage.

But I kind of like it, broken but honest

And it will never be fixed, that I promised.

Why force it back together with tape and glue?

Why not let it show what others never knew?

I've been told I'm brave for letting it all out,

But isn't sharing life what life's all about?

Keep Walking

Tired and exhausted we pull ourselves through the day

Because there really is no other way.

No other way to go through it all

So we trudge through the day and try to stand tall.

Although we have become weak and weary,

We cannot let others know that we're dreary.

We must hold our heads high and be proud

Proud to know that we stand out in a crowd

Whether we want it or not, people seem to know

that there's a person who won't let it show.

Won't let the burden of life appear as a weight

Because we know that we only need to wait.

The load gets lighter and easier to bear,

So long as you know you're friends are there.