Énouement: Chapter 5

     Sitting there on the park table, there was a moment where I almost thought about stopping Sam and just dropping the whole thing. A very, very, large part of me wanted to ignore what was happening, turn this trip around, and head back at home whilst pretending none of this ever occurred. There's a saying floating out there, 'never meet your heroes', apparently it's because deep down as humans we all inherently suck at being good people. So, if you were to meet your hero, up close and in person, you'd see their flaws and would lose that idealized version of them that you had in your head. Following that, it's probably even worse to have your best friend as your hero, but I've never been one to make good decisions.

     But in all honesty Sam is, or at least he was, my hero. Just a regular guy with a big dumb goofy smile that was hard to resist, the charm of a puppy. He was happy, but for all intents and purposes useless, but lovable. He always seemed genuine and was a terrible liar which in turn made him fairly trustworthy, but I guess we all hide something from others. In light of recent developments though, everything just seems tainted...it's one of those moments that makes you question your entire past with a person. The typical 'what else has he lied about' danced about inside my head.

     I took a long inhale, before sighing out a puffy stale cloud. I stared at the cloud and the cigarette underneath it, even my eyes felt tired. "Look Sam, before you start....on a scale of 1 to 10, give me like a ballpark of how bad this is going to be. I need to know so I can decide on whether or not I need to restock my durries."

    He gave a benign shrug, "I don't know...like a five maybe?"

    "Great, well I should have just enough then." The tone was dry and sarcastic as I settled back, finally as prepared as I would be to hear this.

   ****

     Sam sat at his desk idly flipping through his phone during a class. Professor droning on and on as professors are wont to do. It was at this time Sam had his first encounter with a certain individual, one Olivia Ellison. A slender brunette with a fierce expression and defined features who was a friend of a friend of a friend and so on down the chain. He only stumbled across her because of an email notification from an old dating website he had joined and subsequently quit after finding Eliza. Only through the force of sheer boredom did Sam find the tool of his destruction, but it is known that curiosity killed the cat.

     It started innocently at first, just texts and other things that friends do. They hadn't ever actually met in person, she lived wherever we were headed and he lived where we came from. She only found him because she was in town visiting the friend of a friend of a friend and the location setting on this dating app brought them together. A relationship born of coincidences and lies by omission it would seem as he apparently never told this woman about Eliza because she had never asked.

    Friendly texts soon gave way to flirting and flirting gave way to genuine romantic interest. Although it would seem it was mostly one-sided, but enough to cause distress. Sam had become suddenly torn between two women and that caused a strain on both relationship. Eliza had grown disheartened at Sam's sudden distance and Sam felt suffocated by what seemed like Eliza's neediness, which was most likely just an attempt to reconnect with him. The relationship with Olivia grew strong at the same time the relationship with Eliza seemed to die off. 

   It was unfortunate for sure, but Sam was foolishly following his heart which often leads us astray. Eventually the secret relationship with Olivia was discovered and that's what caused the break-up. While Sam was hurting, he thought it would allow him the chance to fully pursue Olivia his new one-true-love. But that also faded away soon. She was more of a party-er, which stressed Sam out and caused a lot of paranoia. He wasn't exactly a catch and she was sure to find better guys than him at parties, while they weren't technically dating this was enough to freak Sam out. Attempts to pull her out of that lifestyle were fruitless. This, along with the stress of a break-up and the death of his father, finally caused Sam to snap. 

   He took the death incredibly hard, which was understandable, but Sam's biggest flaw was his tendency to bottle things up. Even I had a hard time getting through to him, but this Olivia was someone he apparently had tried to open up to. This girl he supposedly loved and trusted couldn't be pulled away from the parties long enough to be there for him and he felt betrayed. It probably only worsened his fear of opening up. As a result of his hurting, he broke down and ended things with Olivia in an apparently less than nice manner.

****

   And that's the story, at least according to Sam. Losing a father and two serious relationships, it's a surprise Sam hadn't gone completely off the deep end. 

   "That's basically it, I mean Olivia and I still talked," he looked down at his lap, "Well at least we used to."

   "OK, you suck at judging things Sam. That was at least a 8," we both softly laugh as I shifted, crushing out the cigarette against the park table, "So what do you mean used to? Are you like done done now?"

   "I don't know...here's her last texts to me." He handed his phone up to me.

   I'm so sorry for everything.

 Don't worry, I'm fine.

    "Shit..." I handed the phone back.

    "Yeah." he said in a breath. "So that's kinda what prompted this trip...those two texts. I hadn't heard from her in days and suddenly I get that..." He trailed off, his eyes following a bug on the ground.

    "So, this is basically just one long 'Are you OK' trip? Seems like some phone calls could've covered it."

    "It's not just that man, like I said I need answers. I guess what I mean is I need to know if what we had was real, get it? Was I an idiot for breaking up with Eliza?"

    "Yes." I interjected.

    "Shut up. I just want to know if what me and Olivia had was even real or if it was something I had made up in my head because things seemed complacent with Eliza. I don't know man, I'm so fucking confused and lost. I honestly have wanted to turn the car around so many times."

    "You and me both." 

    "Again, shut up." There was a long pause as we both tried to figure out where to go from here.

    Hearing it all, it was still hard to forgive Sam, but it also was easier to understand what was happening. He was like a kid in a store without his mom, lost and confused. Looking down at him from where I was, I could see that in him too, he looked like he was searching for something. It's hard to fault a guy who's just trying to make sense of it all. Right now, Sam is the first guy arriving at a car crash: unsure if he should call 9-1-1, help the people out of the wreckage if he can, try and do both, all of this done while panicking and not knowing what the right decision is.

    "So hearing all this, you didn't actually technically cheat on Eliza did you?" I tried to continue, being as delicate as possible.

     "I mean it depends on your interpretation man."

     "Oh Christ," I groaned, "Well, what is your interpretation then?"

     He stayed silent for a moment again, "I mean like, we went on a date once when she came back to town, but nothing really happened. Nothing physical, just a hug at the door.......and maybe a kiss." He mumbled the latter half of that sentence,

     "A kiss?! The fuck, mate? I'm starting to forget who you are here Sam." I ran a hand through my hair, staring off in disbelief.

     "You and me both." He softly replied.