I know I've said this before, but let me say it again
I often find myself trapped in a world of pretend
Avoiding the realities of what we call life
And trying to forget the tragedy of death that causes strife
Because even after years have passed I cannot distance myself
From the sinking feeling that for some reason I could have helped
Like somehow if I had been right next to that person I could have stopped the pain
It's this sick little fantasy that I have stuck in my brain
Maybe if I was stronger they'd be alive and people wouldn't ever leave my side
I try so hard to prove myself as a mature adult despite acting like a child
Because people are always saying I'm at fault no matter what's transpired
"You should've done this, you could've done that" Is that really where were at?
You say I'm adult and have to be conscious but you treat me like a kid
There has been something wrong in anything I ever did.
It's things like this that test my sanity and fortitude
And push me to thoughts of suicide so I could maybe get some solitude
I know it's not fair to others to end it all so suddenly
But then shouldn't it also be fair to let me be me?
It just feels like I've let you down by making these "adult" decisions
Because they aren't what you expected even if I made them with precision
You think I do things carelessly or recklessly with no care
I do think things over, but I prefer to live now is that so rare?
I have plans for the future and idea of how to get there
But the thing is what if I don't ever leave here?
I know the things I do and say aren't widely supported
But the dangers are far from what's been reported.
Just for once realize that this is my life to live
As for your opinions? I don't have one fuck to give.
