The red ember from a burning cigarette and the pale illumination it gave off was the only source of color in the surrounding grey backdrop. The city was trapped in this sickly grey shade. People had grown so used to it by now most forgot what the sun actually looked like. It was a city of tall grey buildings and inescapable walls of smoke from the factories, the buildings as well seemed to cut off any form of escape as they towered over the horizon. By this point people had resigned to their meager apartments and gave up thoughts about the outside world, I wish I could say I was different but I'm just the same as everyone else. Tonight I sat in my usual spot on the bridge, legs through the metal structure of the railings and my arms up on the concrete topping. I didn't have enough money or ambition to actually escape this God forsaken place, so I went to the next best thing and smoked at the best available quiet area. For some reason this bridge was more or less abandoned, maybe cause of it's proximity to the city limits which is also probably why I like the spot. It's just close enough to freedom without having to man up and go through with it. I can tell myself everyday that I could just walk out one day while knowing that I never will. It's usually at this point I push myself up and begin to head back to work, flicking the cigarette away. Today however I was greeted by a younger woman who came up to me smiling with her bouncing black hair and emerald eyes. On the days I saw her it was probably the most color I'd get from this town seeing as even the cars and clothes on your average dweller were a shade of grey. Everything about her defied the city, from her eyes to her bubbly personality she was the exact opposite of everything I hated about this town, yet I still hated her more. Maybe I'd grown to cynical over the years, but a girl that innocent and naive can be just annoying.
"Hey there!" she smiled and waved as she approached me.
I only nodded in return and kept walking past her as she wheeled around to follow me, clearly only coming out here to find me which sounds sweet but only makes me suspicious. Of course she would follow after me like a lost puppy, I wish she wouldn't smile like that while following me as well it was too unsettling. As much as I despised her though, I could never yell at her to go away it would destroy that innocence of hers...maybe I haven't grown completely numb to the world yet. I may be a miserable human being, but there's no sense in bringing others down to my level. This town will do the job for me soon enough I don't need to do anything to speed it along. There's no place for emotions any more, it's simple become a business world whether it's your personal or professional life and it consumes everyone eventually.
"Well your as talkative as usual." she stated, smiling a bit.
"I could say the same for you." I meant to say sarcastically, but she took it as a compliment somehow and brightened up even more. She took a hurried step forward and slide her arm in between mine and my side and smiled up at me. I wanted to pull away a bit and keep the distance but the brushing sensation was like feeling velvet...I didn't want to lose that sensation just yet.
"I was uh wondering," she bit her lip looking down for a second before looking back to me, "if you'd want to come to my play tonight."
I had completely forgotten she was an actress and had to take a few moments to process the request. I looked forward as I thought, as not to be swayed by those flickering green eyes. The plays in this town had become a travesty of lifeless actors and barely passed as entertainment, but there was no longer the allure of reaching Hollywood to push people to their limits. There was only this town and its inhabitants, no one came in and no one got out. When I finally glanced down at her the nervousness in her eyes made me feel bad for the girl, she was honestly reaching out to me and I was being cold. At this point it was a bit late to say no without being a complete jerk and I was more or less forced to agree. The exuberance of her smile had moved me enough to crack a smile myself, something I hadn't done in years.
Days passed without seeing her again, she insisted she was just busy with rehearsals and kept calling and apologizing despite my insisting it was OK. We weren't dating, it's not like she had to report back to me every day or I'd lost interest. The fact that someone could be so unavoidably cheery in this city was more than enough to keep me interested. The show finally came around Friday night and was a double rare occurrence for me as I actually had something to do and I was actually happy. I guess after awhile a girl like that just sort of grows on you, so much that I was dopey enough to arrive at the theater with flowers for he. I can't exactly explain why, but I swear I saw it in a movie once so it seemed appropriate. She was of course overjoyed at the sentiment and gave me a much stronger hug than you'd expect from a 110 pound woman. We exchanged small talk which basically consisted of her telling my details about the show and her part and me awkwardly fumbling for something important or meaningful to say, but I never found anything. Eventually it was time to separate and I headed for my seat while she headed for the stage.
The next few hours could've lasted years in my opinion. The way she moved across the stage was too poetic for words and brought a vision of life I hadn't seen in years. It sounds cliched, but her performance was alive more than anybody, more than myself even and at that moment I couldn't help but love her. When the show was over I waited patiently outside for her looking even dopier than when I arrived with flowers. The time passed by agonizingly slow as I waited to finally return her affections, give her that big hug she deserved and the kiss she had been waiting for. It wasn't until about an hour later she popped out and again began apologizing profusely as I told her to stop and smiled at her which did quiet her down. I think the smile caught her off-guard for a moment, she probably didn't think it was possible. We spent the rest of that night back at my house talking, actually enjoying ourselves, and by the end of the night we ended up in bed together.
Those hours in bed were the most peaceful I had in years. I sleep fitfully and comfortably finally having someone by my side. I felt her move a bit in the morning and squeeze my hand asking me to wake up. For some reason those words began ringing like bells in my head and I had to clutch my temples. Despite being separate from her I could still feel her touch as things began to flash white and I could hear a rhythmic and hollow beeping in the background. I began to feel like I was being drawn out of this world slowly. The pulses of light and throbbing only intensified as time progressed. Before I knew it my eyes had fluttered open to the soft, sanitized light of a hospital bed with a woman beside me. She leaned in and smiled faintly, 'You're finally awake' she muttered with choked tears. It was fuzzy at first, but this woman was much older than the woman I had known while still looking almost exactly like her except...hollow. Years seemed to have taken their toll and it looked as if 20 years had passed. As it cleared up though I slowly picked up the truth...this was the same woman I had known and I began to feel dizzy again trying to peace things together. She tried to calm me down and explain things, that there was a car accident that put me in a coma and 20 years had really passed. Everything began to slowly make sense, I couldn't escape that town because it was all I could recollect and the reason things felt so lifeless is because I was virtually lifeless. The only sign of life was my apparent wife and was my door back into reality, I just had to overcome the feelings of lifelessness. I hated her at first because I must have felt hopeless subconsciously and after years of wearing down life seemed more worth it. And that's all it's about, finding the meaning in life despite it's uncertainties and absurdities.
